The Christmas tree is up, the fairy lights are on, and those seasonal family favourites are playing on the radio. The holiday season is well and truly underway.

For fostering families, like any other family, Christmas is a time of joy and celebration, a moment to give thanks for the many blessings we have enjoyed during the year. But our ‘families’ include children and young people who are living away from their parents and relatives, with their own Christmas traditions and beliefs. Christmas itself is a reminder that they are separated from loved ones. It is a time of heightened emotion and rekindling memories - both happy and challenging.

The best fostering Christmases are those that are planned and prepared with children and young people, incorporating what they would like to do to mark the occasion. Some children and young people will have clear ideas for their ‘perfect Christmas,’ while others may have limited understanding of the possibilities that Christmas offers.

Pam, a foster carer for Stockport Council, fondly remembers wonderful Christmases with children and young people in her care. “We try to find out as much as we can about their Christmas memories and to understand what they would like to do. 

“We also tell children what we are arranging over Christmas, so they can prepare and raise any concerns they have. Then we have time to change things, if necessary, to make sure they are comfortable with what we are doing, so they can look forward to the day, rather than feeling anxious.” 

"Children may need their own time and space over Christmas..."

Christmas is often a time for big family gatherings, which might involve long journeys by car or train. Although it is fun to reconnect with relatives and friends and celebrate together, it can be difficult for foster children and young people, particularly if they have not lived with their foster family for long. They may even say that they are keen to join in with everyone - children with experience of the care system are experts at trying to fit in - but the emotional effort of meeting so many new people be exhausting, which is important to bear in mind as you make Christmas plans. 

“Children may need their own time and space over Christmas, and it is really important to respect this,” says Pam. “Children feel reassured if they know that can come and find you, regardless of what is going on in the home at the time.” Christmas movies and tunes can reawaken memories that children struggle with and feel the need to share, there and then. 

The sheer scale of typical Christmas celebrations can be overwhelming for children who have suffered neglect and deprivation. Foster carers also need to be mindful of the potential anxieties arising from consumption of alcohol in the presence of children who have lived with domestic abuse, even drinking in moderation. 

“It is a tough time for parents who are unable to be with their children.”

Zoe, who fosters with Oldham Council, says: “We all miss people over Christmas and wish loved ones could be with us. Children in care will be thinking about mum and dad, brothers, and sisters, and it is important to make allowance for this in Christmas plans.” 

Children may also feel a sense of guilt about enjoying themselves over Christmas when their loved ones are struggling. Some may not understand why they feel anxious or angry. It might help to encourage children and young people to have gifts or cards which can be presented to a parent and relatives at family time before Christmas. 

“It is a tough time for parents who are unable to be with their children,” says Zoe. “It helps a little for them to know that they are not forgotten, especially at a time like this.” 

As a foster carer, it’s important to make new, positive memories at Christmas time too. For example, foster children will be delighted to see you in the audience for their Christmas musical or carol service. Taking part and standing alongside classmates and teachers is a significant milestone to share with you. 

Fostering encapsulates the true spirit of Christmas. It is about opening our homes and sharing love and joy with those we care about; making room for another guest at the dinner table; listening with compassion and putting an arm around a person in need.